by Altessa Ahmuluk, editor Gretchen Glass
Top Wellness Tips For Spring 2026 Are Here. Number 3 Will Shock Your Dog!
The first of May is quickly approaching, and as Jonathan Coulton warned us, outdoor activities will be on the rise. How can we enjoy refreshing healthy activities without the risk of ghosts ruining it with their selfishness? We surveyed our field agents and clairvoyant cats alike to find out methods to keep them ghosties from invading your privacy. Here are their top 5 tips to progress you all the way through the season with confidence!
- Drink more coffee. Let’s face it, daylight savings transition requires more caffeine to keep ourselves alert to apparition threats. Don’t get caught off guard by keeping sharp with your delicious coffee drinks. Bonus: Most ghosties are intimidated by our complicated coffee orders, so they might just leave you alone if your coffee is beyond black drip.
- Exercise with a podcast blaring. You know what a Victorian ghost who is trying to con you into marrying them for your wealth doesn’t understand? Earbuds and podcasts. Even if a ghost understands headphones, you can just turn it up and pump that iron guilt free. They should move on already, and they know it.
- Invite your pets out to the garden with you. Sure most of us will bring our puppos outside when we are working, but have you tried inviting your clairvoyant cats or even bunnies? The more cuteness you have around you while gardening, the more deterred spring ghosties will be, so set up that bunny run and harness that CC for adventure.
- Join a Ghost Scouts hike. This is good even if you aren’t currently a ghost scout seeking a hiking type badge because all our hikes are guided by a professional field agent and at minimum one clairvoyant cat. Bonus: you might even get to learn something about the history of your local cryptid stories.
- Look at the ocean regularly. It is said that if you don’t look at the ocean regularly you will get haunted due to your lack of whimsical moments. This is best if done in person, but if you are not near the ocean, we recommend a visit to an aquarium. If that isn’t available to you, put those headphones on, pull up youtube, and find you a nice live stream of ocean views. Bonus: You’ll get some pretty pictures and wind blown hair.
As always, these tips are just what we found to be the best options, but using your creativity will always discourage ghosties from trying to invade your personal space. If you’ve got a hot ghost-deterring tip for this spring, please drop a comment or email us at info@ectowash.com . Stay vigilant!
Quote of the week: “Merp” followed by 1 hour of loud purring.
Hairball count: 3 all on the exact same spot
Led Meetings: 7 scheduled (cowboy hat required still) , 11 unscheduled 3pm meetings
Crystal Ball Slaps: 15 crystal ball staring contests (he won them all), 4 tarot card throws all recorded and passed on accordingly (thanks N. Specter!)
Quiz: What Nontoxic Plant Should I Buy For My Cat This Spring?
If you are anything like our office family, you are spending time thinking up the best new plant for your CCs to enjoy this spring. It can be a hard decision because keeping a CC happy is a top way to have your house/office ghost-free. Will they like it? Will they eat it? Will it be too tempting to push off the desk at 3am? Have no fear, our CC team is here for you with a new quiz to find out which is the best plant for that special clairvoyant cat in your life.
- What Color Is Your Cat?
- Orange, Cream, and/or White
- Black, Tuxedo, or Cow
- Calico, Tortoise Shell, or Grey
- What is their preferred napping spot?
- Anywhere as long as it is between you and a screen.
- Window hammock, so they can keep an eye on their land and subjects.
- In their personal yurt with their iPad playing nature sounds.
- My CCs strongest form of clarity is…
- Crystal ball gazing, tarot throwing, and/or anything that involves slapping in the reading.
- Dream walking and/or dream interpretation because they are more into classy subtle approaches.
- Tea leaves reading and/or palm reading because delicate soft touch is their style.
- My cat finds the best thing to eat is…
- Grass from wherever. Will run outside to find grass if not given their own indoor patch.
- Catnip but only when I’m not around. This is a private matter.
- Hand-fed Churu at any time it strikes them; whether that is 11am or 3am the demand must be met immediately.
- What is your CCs favorite show to watch?
- Nothing actually. They avoid eye contact with all cameras and screens for some reason.
- Any window where they can chatter at birds or other animals outside. Gotta keep an eye on the natural world!
- Bird videos for cats on YouTube. They are an indoor cat but need to keep sharp about potential quick-moving things like birds.
Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for every a., 2 for every b., and 3 for every c. Now add’em up!
1-10 Spider Plant Some CCs have high clarity but their brain cells overall not so much, which is why a spider plant is purrfect for your pal. Low maintenance and a little funky looking, this plant does its thing and looks great in the background of the zoom calls your CC is currently conducting from your lap.
10-15 Purple Passion Plants Let’s face it, your catto is a creature of the night and probably a little gothy. This dark-colored plant is just right for them because it just screams “I’m unique and possibly moody but beautiful.”
16-20 Calathea Often called Peacock or zebra plants, featuring patterned leaves, this is a perfect little plant that matches your CCs beautiful features and delicate touch.
Ghost Scouts, The Best Scouts Out There!
Did you grow up with Girl/Boy Scouts? No doubt there was camping and crafting, which helped you build social and survival skills as you grew up, but many LinCo community members wondered if it was fully addressing the next generation’s preparation for the future. Thus Ghost Scouts was born! Different from traditional scout guidelines, Ghost Scouts focuses on essential skills not being given enough attention: ghost identification, capture, and mitigation.
Ghost Scouts was introduced in late 2020 at the community planning meeting for the Ghost-Hunting Day event. “I remember that particular meeting started late because Greg had convinced a group of SPOG supporters to picket in the parking lot, so we all had to park a block away,” says committee leader, Florence “Katie” King. “A few other MASP [Mothers Against Spectral Possession] were there, and we started talking about the dangers of teens in the community having to walk farther without proper ghost mitigation training, and Ghost Scouts was born.”
King is one of LinCo’s most active MASP members and quickly reached out to EctoWash Marketing Manager, Altessa Amhuluk, to recruit field agents in helping coordinate the Scouts’ badge-earning adventures. “Flor—err Katie is such an inspiration and joy to have in the community. I’m so happy we had the opportunity to help get the youth excited about ghost mitigation,” Atlessa said at the press announcement of the new Ghost Scout program in September 2020. “Let’s go forth this Ghost-Hunting Day capturing quickly and mitigating completely!” And capture they did! Young ones throughout the county showed up to enroll in Ghost Scouts and helped double the previous year’s capture rate for the event.
Now in 2026, we come together once in the spring and once in the fall to dedicate a whole week to Ghost Scout badge-earnings with fun community gatherings showing ghosties throughout that we want them to move on already. We went back to check in with Amhuluk about how the scouts have improved over the year, “We now even have online submissions during these weeks where our clairvoyant cats review and approve badges for anyone around the world! The potential of the youth is definitely looking bright as we see more and more get involved in their communities to prepare the next generation for success!”
If you’d like to join in the fun, simply complete the badge challenges and submit the information to the Ghost Scout committee for review. You can brag and show off your badge earnings via stickers available on the EctoWash Etsy store. If you collect them all, consider submitting an intern application with EctoWash! We are always looking for the next ghost capturing enthusiasts to join our team.
Toxic Relationship? May Flowers Are Co-Dependent on April Showers!
Have you ever looked at flowers and noticed how co-dependent they are on so many? Not only do they need April showers to bring the May flowers, but they also then need sunshine! And what are they doing after sucking the weather dry of its resources? Kinda nothing but standing around looking pretty for like a month before they wither away in the summer sun.
This is why I think the therapists of the world should unite and get out there and do some sessions this May with spring flowers. Sure they will die out before they can personally make any changes, but genetic memory is a thing right? If we keep it up, then each next generation will not only get more independent but honestly gain some self-respect. Let’s unite to help heal the flowers’ bad habits!
What ideas do you all have to help the spring flowers on their mental health journey? Leave a comment, or you can email us, and we will totally read it at info@ectowash.com . Stay vigilant!
Announcements
- What’s New At The Etsy Shop? https://ectowash.etsy.com/
- Ghost Scout sticker badges are now available! Collect them all as you continue your own ghost encounters.
- Third Eye Cats, Cryptids & Other Crocheted Items! Adopt a little crocheted pal today and enjoy the spoopy vibes year around. Each cat is uniquely made and hand crafted by our very own Atlessa Amhuluk.
- Need to wear something with a cat instead? We’ve got shirts, hoodies, totes, and other accessories too!
- Reminder: Want to show more support? Check out our patreon tiers! While SPOG takes bribes, we at EctoWash do not, so we’ve created a Patreon, allowing us to keep up our research on ghost soap up-to-date. Join us for exciting perks like exclusive articles, postcards and new intern hire sponsorships! Keep in the know on what we are doing to help make our world #4theliving and helping the ghost to move on already. patreon.com/EctoWash
- Don’t like using patreon? We are now on substack for your reading comfort! Newsletter is still free, and bonus articles are available with a paid subscription. https://altessaamhulukatectowash.substack.com/
