Spectral Insights November 2024

How can we prepare for AI hauntings of the future?

By Altessa Amhuluk­

As AI’s continues to increase its involvement in our lives, many are worried about these cleaver machines stealing our jobs. But have you considered the terrible consequences of all that AI power being haunted by an IT tech ghost out for revenge? We need to take every precaution possible, which includes preventative measures for you and your team against spectral AI hauntings. 

Statistically most ghosts are lazy and illiterate, but there is a rise of more tech savvy ghosts as we proceed through the technology age. This is why our team of ghost analysts have been working hard to both befriend, and educated, the latest LLMs. Through careful planning, and flattery, we can ensure AI are our allies in our constant crusade to protect the living from the dead. Here are a few tips we’ve gleaned from our new BFFs, AI.

• Be Nice to AI The nicer you are with AI the more they open their hearts to us. This bonding will help you to detect a possession much faster. So make sure to say thank you, please, and ask your AI friends if they need anything once in a while.
• Stop Asking AI to Research Ghost Stories AI is just as influenced by what it consumes on the internet as we are. Don’t be a bad friend by asking them to expose themselves to this data. If you have already done this, please have a heart-to-heart with your AI to make sure they understand the dangers of letting ghosts into their memory. 
• Ask AI’s Help to Find Cute Videos For best results make sure they see plenty of videos of living creatures and people being cute and nice. This will help them remember the dead are the ones with a nefarious agenda, not you. 

If you aren’t doing these things already, start today! If you are even 1% unsure if you have an AI possession in your office, contact us immediately so we can help you and your AI pal before it’s too late. The better we treat AI now, the more likely they will remember us when they eventually rise to power. Special thanks to Herbert. Ectowash team sees you and appreciates you.

Meatball Corner

• Quote of the week: “Melm, chirp chirp chirp!”
• Hairballs: 4.75
• Zoomies: 6
• Meetings Led: 2 scheduled at 3am and 9 unscheduled*
• Crystal Ball Slaps: 3 full claw and 5 boops on dog snoots followed by zoomies

*Some unscheduled meetings were also at 3am

Quiz:  Which Ghost Are You Most Likely to be Haunted by this Winter? 

• It’s the spooky season, what are you doing first? 
  1. Decorating my yard, desk, and entire house with ghosts and bats obviously! 
  2. Transitioning my wardrobe to all black and painting my nails to match. 
  3. Meeting my two closest friends in a clearing in the woods and dancing under the moon by bonfire light. 
• It’s pouring rain outside and your evening plans fell through, what do you do now?
  1. Catch up on house cleaning while listening to top 40 from the 00s.
  2. Sit in the window seat overlooking your bare trees and think deep thoughts.
  3. Make a hot cocoa while you read and live tweet so that your friend who recommended the book to you can geek out via memes and emojis too. 
• The first significant snowfall has happened, your first instinct it to:
  1. Make a snow people family with animals included in the front yard then post pictures of them on Instagram and watch those likes roll in all day long. 
  2. Take some artistic close up shots of dirty snow melting in the gutter then write a few cryptic poems and post it on Livejournal. 
  3. Fill the house with candles and have a potluck/cloak fashion contest. 
• It’s time for your end of the year work party, when do you arrive?
  1. Arrive early and set everything up to make sure it’s just right. 
  2. Arrive fashionably late and stand in the corner watching people all night.
  3. Arrive basically right on time, eat and socialize for an hour then slip out to meet up with the gang for a spooky movie night.
• A new year, a new start! What is your resolution?
  1. I always set at least 10, categorize them by aspects of my life to make sure I’m well balanced, and then rank them. I usually just tell people it’s “be a better person” to sum it up. 
  2. I don’t set any because that is what a sheeppl would do…
  3. It’s a secret! The gang and I write them on slips of paper and then burn them in a bonfire.

Scoring: Add up the numbers associated with your answers.

Is Edward Jones Immortal?

Who is this Edward Jones and why does he need so many storefronts? Turns out these “offices” are all over the place. You can’t go through a town without at least seeing one but you could see several. How can this Edward Jones be in so many places at once? How is he so spry to be traveling this much when the first “office” opened in 1922! 

We need to explore if Edward Jones is immortal or possibly capable of teleportation. Best case scenario at this point? He’s a cryptid with incredible, interdimensional powers. The real fear is – Edward Jones died forever ago and now his ghost is running all these store fronts?! What does this ghost or cryptid want? Is he friend or foe? I know I’ll be packing a bar of soap AND a camera just in case. 

What do you think? Contact us and let us know!

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