My daughter is actually a changling we’ve been raising due to a mix up at the hospital and it taught me some great tips on how to organize chaotic work environments.
By Altessa Amhuluk
My daughter was born at a small country hospital during a summer bonding retreat for our family business. It was a lovely hospital with an ornate inscription above the entrance welcoming “all who are in need.” Of course, such an open ended invitation meant the hospital was half over run with fae folk. Despite the high degree of whimsy, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl and we returned home within a few days. All seemed well until a week ago when our daughter, just 6 months old, walked out of the house and started playing the bagpipes while staring wistfully at the sunset. Immediately we knew we had a changling on our hands and so contacted the hospital.
It was an honest mistake. The hospital, so overwhelmed with faeries and wood nymphs, was in desperate needs of some paranormally aware consultation. After talking to management a few times I realized their main problem was organization. The chaos of the labor and delivery ward was just too tempting for faeries and too stressful for the staff.
Here are the tips I offered to help this lovely country hospital:
- Don’t Waste Your Time Training New Employees– This may sound counterintuitive but what’s the point of training when things change so fast you can’t keep up. Let them learn by doing. Is the employee handbook in the third bathroom stall on the second floor only? Yes and that’s where it should stay because if you have the right attitude you can secrete the right thing to do. This may sound simple, but ask yourself; are you really training your employees or just teaching them protocol?
- Build A Lore for Your Company – If you have the best story in town, then you’ll attract the best employees. Crafting lore that can be passed down between senior employees to the new recruits creates a wonderful bond they can lord over HR together.
- Regular Chakra Tuning – When was the last time you tuned your employees’ chakras? If you are hesitating then it’s been too long. Regular tunings will keep your employees’ vibes right which in turn allows them to be more organized and aligned with company values.
When implementing these tips, make sure to keep the environment fun but chaotic with a underlying feeling that everything might change suddenly. Too calm an environment will invite various office ghosts to prey on your staff. When in doubt, call EctoWash for all your ghost mitigation needs so you can focus on that employee handbook, because it isn’t going to write itself!
Meatball Corner
- Quote of the Week: “Purrrmeep!” Well said!
- Hairball count: 3*
- Led Meetings: 6 scheduled** and 2 unscheduled
- Crystal Ball Slaps: 16 no claw, a good sign indeed!
*Low due to staff brushing sessions over scheduled.
**Again staff over scheduled.
Coffee Order Guide
Ghosts are keen observers of your morning ritual, what does your regular coffee order reveal?
- Triple Americano with Alt Milk – Your love-hate relationship with sleep leaves you needing that extra boost in the morning. And boy will that boost be necessary because ghosts are drawn to your night owl tendencies and subsequent sleepiness at your desk. Keep citrus scented soaps at home and in the office to keep those cheeky, party animal type ghosts at bay.
- Double Vanilla Latte – You can make it without a coffee a few days a week, but you definitely feel more peppy when you have one. Be careful! Flirting with a caffeine addiction leaves you vulnerable to young, horny ghost who take it as an open invitation to hit on you. Try bathing with an old fashion hippy blended soap of Bergamot and Patchouli and keeping one in your purse for those coffee shop work sessions.
- Double Caramel Silk Latte Iced – You love sweet drinks and that makes sense because you are a friendly sweet person at heart. If you are drinking this daily as your coffee fix, you may have crossed over from being sweet to being a pushover. Toxic Boss Ghosts haunt people pleasers for sport so they can get them to do all their bidding for free. Make sure you have a Cedarwood scented soap in your candy drawer to keep them out of your cubicle.
- Green Tea Latte – You aren’t even drinking coffee, but you are definitely caffeine addicted and like to work on your laptop at the coffee shop while you people watching and petting as many dogs as possible. Loner Ghosts will sense your extraverted personality and will try to not only follow you home, but to your office as well (sometimes even without you). Lavender forward soaps are great for keeping these ghouls at bay because nothing says “I need alone time to recharge” like the soothing crisp smell of lavender. Carry it with you at all times for the best results.
- Black Brewed Coffee – You’ve got a coffee addiction problem that keeps you up at night and makes you a zombie during the day. Your work productivity isn’t suffering and you have zero ghost problems so who can blame you?! Leave peppermint or coffee scented soaps at your work desk just to remind the ghosts you mean business and they should just move along!
The Opinion Hexagon
What is the Worst Ghost Type?
We’ve all had to deal with annoying apparitions but there is one that is just the worst type of ghost ever in my opinion, the tree haunter.
Tree haunters ruin perfectly good book reading stops and hammock time with their ridiculous spooky noises and creepy shadows. These ghosts just love to hang out in the best spots year around. Think about it, fall foliage, summer shade to beat the heat, cozy reading spots, and quiet nature moments where you can observe birds until they reveal an amazing secret to you. All of that sabotaged at every turn for their amusement.
I’ve been burying bars of soap under every good tree in my neighborhood and you should too. If we all work together we can finally ruin their haunting times and maybe then they will run off to haunt bushes or something. That’s fine with me, a bush has never photobombed my fall dog photo shoot and maybe the haunting of bushes will keep the squirrels away.
You do what your heart is telling you to do and bury that soap under your favorite tree. Now if you’ll excuse me I am going to go read in the shade of my maple tree while smelling the sweet aroma of charcoal and marshmallow.
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