Spectral Insights August 2024

I untangled my vacuum robot from electrical cords and it beeped at me appreciatively, which made my day and taught me the importance of teamwork on the job

By Altessa Amhuluk­

I was looking pensively out the window on my mid-morning kombucha break, when suddenly I noticed my robot vacuum, Alexei, was twirling around confused with a cord wrapped around his brushes. I waited about a minute watching him struggle wondering if he’d figure it out. Suddenly he stopped moving looking lost and confused. Moved with pity, I got up and untangled him and was rewarded with a little beep before he vacuumed along his way. As I smiled to myself it hit me; teamwork really does make the dream work.

 We all know apparitions are notorious for trying to disrupt the comradery between us and our living teammates. Here are some tips to help keep your focus on your team so that you can achieve your dreams.

1. Give Them Names! Did you know your coworkers usually have names? They were probably named something boring which will lower morale. Go ahead and give them new names! For best results name them in themes related to their team’s focus, like IT Bro or Data Troll. It’ll help you keep them straight. 
2. Conduct Secret Meetings Don’t you feel better when you are invited to a secret meeting? Who will be there? What will we be discussing? Will we see Meatball slap the Crystal Ball in person finally? Schedule secret meetings with handwritten notes hidden around the office, that way some people will know they weren’t invited and work harder. Don’t have anything really to put on the agenda? No problem! Just do team building exercises and you’ll grow even closer. 
3. Take Someone’s Lunch at Random Nothing brings a team closer like hunting down and punishing food thieves. Make sure you plant the evidence on someone replaceable to avoid moral issues. If it ends in bloodshed, just give the mob the right soap to sleep with for the next month to avoid unwanted hauntings. A team that slays together, stays together! 

With these quick and easy tips your path to success is sure to follow! If you follow this sound advice and still don’t feel connected, you might have an apparition problem and should get your team a nice team building gift; Soap!

The Vibes Guide

• Chill – you are great in small groups and get along with everybody, including apparitions invading your workspace. Contact Ectowash and they will take care of the harsh ghost vibes while you are out being super chill with your team. 
• Happy – you get a lot of sunshine and it shows! Everyone is attracted to you and it’s a problem in the workplace because you are like a total apparition magnet now. Get some ghost mitigation before you lose your smile.
• Sad – you may be weeping most days at the office but your poetry is iconic and will most likely land you a book deal. Tragedy peaks the interest of most ghosts because they are drama lovers. Don’t be fooled by their advice, they may have some interesting ideas but if you let them into your heart they won’t ever leave. Get your personal space back by getting that soap in your sheets before they start redecorating your office. 
• Positive –you give people those warm fuzzy feelings with your cheerleader attitude and bright disposition on life. However, some get jealous of you and try to haunt you to ruin your mood (mostly ghosts). Surround yourself with other positive vibers and plenty of soap.
• Negative – you are harshing everyone’s vibes, but that includes all apparitions so good job on keeping those pesky limelight stealing leeches out of your life. Keep a small bar of soap in your bag just in case something good happens to you.

Is my local deer, Tony, in the mob? A few weeks back I noticed Tony has a limb and has been chilling resting hidden nestled in some tall grass field. What’s he hiding from and where did he get that limb? I think he made the deer mob unhappy and almost got his legs broken but managed to escape! Now he’s using our very cool meadow-like field to keep an eye out on his enemies while he heals up. 

It makes sense if you think about it. Tony is known for his sassy stare downs of humans. He also always seems to have at least a few other deer on either side of him as he walks around so clearly has a gang forming. 

I’d like to think Tony is the innocent in this failed mob hit but I can’t deny he does try to eat everybody’s gardens in the neighborhood on the reg, so maybe he deserved it. What’s your take? Write in to us in the Contact Us at the link below! 

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